the xlog : x-rated weblog

a twisted and humorous look at sex, pornography, and the world in general

February 8, 2007

What’s a pole dancer without a tattoo?

Filed under: commentary,humor,photos,sex news,strippers — Simon @ 10:43 am

iTattoo from Spin MasterHere we have two more items for those parents who bought their kids the Peekaboo Pole Dancing Kit we mentioned in Strippercize for Kids last year.

First up, from Spin Master, we show you the I-Tattoo.

For a paltry fifteen bucks, you can get this kit which features what they call a “realistic, vibrating tattoo pen” and tells kids from ages 6 and up to “get ready to get inked.”

That’s right, now your pole dancing tyke can look way more authentic than all the other tiny pole dancers who don’t have little [tag]stripper[/tag] tats on them.

Can’t you just see the envy in the other parents’ eyes when they see your ‘lil Ashley gets up to show her stuff?

pussycat girls dollsAlright, if you already got the kid the pole dancer kit and the stripper tattoo kit, here’s something you can use to keep them motivated and practicing their moves.

What we have here is Hasbro’s attempt to knock the Bratz dolls off the top spot. These are their planned Pussycat Dolls. These are aimed at girls 8 and older and feature the Dolls in a variety of their risqué, burlesque-inspired outfits. We’re not sure if they’ll have a version that sings “Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me” when you pull their strings, but we can always hope.

July 16, 2006

Definitely not the tattoo you want in prison!

Filed under: humor,photos — Simon @ 6:05 am

Tattooed Back photo - definitely not for prisonA couple of months ago we had some interesting ideas for around the pussy tattoos posted here, but the one shown here really wins the prize for “Voted Most Popular Prisoner” in my book.

I definitely would not want to go to prison with this tattoo. I guess I’m not much interested in being Most Popular Prisoner. Nope, not one of my goals.

Now I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with wanting to go to prison with a tattoo like that.

I mean, to each his own.

I’m just saying it would not be anywhere on my list of good prison [tag]tattoos[/tag].


May 6, 2006

Pussy tattoo ideas

Filed under: celebrities,humor,photos — Simon @ 1:00 pm

This isn’t a movie, just something that gave me a laugh today. It’s from a post on the BDSM Board asking about slave [tag]tattoos[/tag], but then someone asked “If I want a tattoo around my pussy what will you suggest?” and these were the posted suggestions so far.

The Willy Nelson (?)

Okay, one of these might make you want to plug it in, but I think the other one is a little scary. Not sure I’d want to put anything personal in there.

wall socket pussy tattooscary pussy tattoo

From the post on this page if you want to see what other suggestions have been made.

January 10, 2008

Totally Stacked

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 9:24 am

boxcover-4037-8334985.jpgBoobs, tits, knockers… What else do you need when you have two luscious ta ta’s right in your face? Knowing that these girls are all Totally Stacked is all it takes for The Whackman to get going!

Jamie is on a stair machine wearing a pair of sheer black panties and a white net top. She’s interrupted by Steven, who’s looking for camels. Jamie doesn’t know anything about camels, but offers to show him her camel toe. They head inside where Jamie shows him again before letting him give it a kiss. Jamie gets skullfucked her before he tongues and fucks her pussy. They get into missionary before moving through reverse cowgirl, doggy, and the traditional cowgirl. Jamie takes a nice facial, keeping her eyes wide open.

Nineteen year old blonde Vanessa fantasizes about giving her tennis pro a lesson in ball handling when her parents are gone. They kiss and grope each other outside before heading inside. They strip down before Vanessa drops down to mouth Justin’s joystick. She bends over for him to play with her pierced pussy before he fucks it. She then rides him reverse cowgirl style and sucks it clean, before turning around to bounce on it cowgirl style. Justin spoons her before nailing her in missionary. She tells Justin to blow his load over her face, but he barely gets any of it that far and instead covers her neck.

When Vicky finds out her hubby was cheating on her with his buddy Mark’s wife, she changes into some smoking hot black lingerie and climbs onto Mark’s lap. She bashes her big fat titties around his face before sliding down to break out his cock. Vicky works Mark into her throat while her hubby complains about how she never deep throated him or sucked his balls like she’s doing to Mark. She titty fucks him before lying back so Mark can eat her in return before fucking her. Vicky sucks Mark’s cock clean then bends over so Mark can give her ass a good tonguing. He rails her pussy from behind and while she lies on her side. Vicky climbs up for a cowgirl ride and moves his cock back into her ass. He picks her up and moves her across the room to a barstool and they keep going in reverse cowgirl anal and doggy anal across the room. Vicky takes a very nice facial from Mark.


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December 3, 2007

Chunky Pizza Party

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 12:17 am

Chunky Pizza Party - DVD boxcover The Whackman is hungry for a piece of chunky pizza pie… These thick sluts are serving it up nice and hot, so The Whackman’s cannoli is out for these pudgy piglets to enjoy. It’s a Chunky Pizza Party…fuhgedaboutit!

Juan has Teryn, a chunky brunette with a bad haircut and some decent glasses, say hello to his little friend. She engulfs his cock and breaks out her big fat titties. Juan fingers her pussy and slaps her ass before fucking her bald beaver from behind. He has Teryn suck her juices off his cock before she lies back for some missionary work. Teryn rides Juan cowgirl style, before turning around so Juan can drill her in doggystyle again. She moves to the floor for pile driving before Juan gives her an okay facial.

La Nena, a heavily tattooed Latino with a bit of meat on her bones, shows up at the hot tub Guy is decorating with candles to say goodbye before she heads to her last pizza party. She goes after Guy’s cock orally as he admires her ample ass. La Nena moves up to ride Guy cowgirl style before he picks her up and sets her down to fuck her missionary style. They keep it going with a bit of doggy and reverse cowgirl before Guy gives La Nena a decent facial.


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November 12, 2007

White Wife Black Cock 6

Filed under: DVD Review,movie reviews,pornstars,video clips — Blogs @ 1:05 am

These cheating housewives keep finding themselves in all sorts of mishaps. There is no limit to what they will do when their desperation becomes so unbearable that they just have to have a black cock. It seems that their intentions are good but the outcome is always trouble. They will lie and trick their husbands in one way or another and let the world know about White Wife Black Cock 6.


Cute blonde Amber looks at a healing orb her friend brought back from Africa. When her hubby falls asleep on the couch next to it, he’s changed into a brother named Jean. She’s freaked out at first, but soon after thinks of the potential in his pants. Jean is more than eager to show it to her as she drops to her knees in front of him and, after she works on him a bit, picks her up to suck her tits and then turns her upside down to suck him a little more. He pulls down Amber’s low and eats her from behind. They mix up the oral a little before he picks her up for a midair cowgirl ride, and then lets Amber continue to bounce up and down on his cock as he sits down. Jean lays her back to eat her pussy before fucking her in missionary and doggystyle. Amber’s ample ass gets popped on to finish things.

When blonde Mia’s hubby says the wrong thing after discussing whether or not she’d do a brother, Lee knocks him out and heads up to show her the difference. She drops down and eagerly mouths his manhood until he’s ready, and then rides him reverse cowgirl style. Lee spoons her ass, and even takes a good taste of her ass from his cock. Mia climbs back up for an anal cowgirl ride before bending over and balancing on her hands and one foot with the other foot in the air and Lee’s cock in her ass. Lee continues to fuck her ass doggystyle, and he finishes things up by cumming on her great ass.

When her dog is kidnapped and held for ransom, hot blonde Kelly’s hubby refuses to pay the ransom, so she takes matters into her mouth and pussy when she comes up a little short of the money. Tone sucks her tits before she strips down to suck his cock. Kelly bends over so Tone can bone her from behind, and sucks his cock a little more before letting him plug her ass missionary style. Tone spoons her ass and lets her impale it on his cock cowgirl style. They return to doggy before Tone nuts in Kelly’s mouth. She nastily gargles it and swallows it.

~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE TO VIEW VIDEO ~~~~~~~

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September 5, 2007

Stocking Secrets 1 – a DVD review by Whackman

'Stocking Secrets 1' DVD BoxcoverThe Whackman love’s a beautiful woman’s sexy legs and feet caressed in silky nylons and may possibly give into the sheer temptations of Stocking Secrets. Each model will perform twice — starting out sheer, and then shedding to their silky soft skin.

Maliyah starts things out in some black lingerie, stockings, shoes, and gloves while sitting back in a black chair. She gets down to run her hands around her body before sliding out of her lingerie. Maliyah slowly slides out of her stockings so she’s completely nude, revealing a pierced navel and a few tattoos before massaging her feet and talking about how she wishes you could massage her sore feet.

Jana starts things out in a colorful dress lying on the bed in the same room as the opening scene. She starts things off a little more playful rolling around to show the black seam on her nude nylons before pulling up her dress so you can see her butt. She removes her shoes and rubs her feet together sultrily before running her hands around the rest of her body. Jana runs them along her legs, inside her nylons, and even in her panties before taking off her garter belt, bra, and panties after a quick tease with each. After a little more teasing Jana blows a kiss goodbye.

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